Pelicula Spotlight: Nude Nuns with Big Guns

by Rob Perez

The title of this film perfectly describes what it’s all about. If you happen to be a Latino who grew up in a Catholic household then you’ll either feel like going to confession or happily live in sin after watching this action packed flick. Nude Nuns with Big Guns, screened at this year’s New York International Latino Film Festival, is all about a gun-toting nun whose out to seek revenge. This lady is no Mother Theresa. Rather, she enjoys destroying the bad guys her way.

Sister Sarah (Asun Ortega) is a young nun working in a diocese in Texas, but it’s not like anything one can expect. The drug traffickers that run things are made up of priests who are just as coldblooded as Los Muertos, the murderous motorcycle gang the church hires to do their dirty work. When drugs go missing, the gang hunts down the nun they suspect and kill off the remaining women, including Sister Sarah. However, Sarah survives the attack, but is sent to work at a strip club/whorehouse. Drugged up, she answers a call from God and discovers a new mission: she must kill those who are responsible for her demise. This sets the stage for a wild murderous spree Sister Sarah embarks on, along with a sexual adventure that includes lots of nude nuns getting it on, and an awful lot of big guns.

This film is a classic nunsploitation, complete with a cheesy story line, even cheesier acting, plenty of blood, guns, and explicit sex. There is nothing in Nude Nuns with Big Guns that has any deep meaning. It is what it is, a midnight grindhouse movie that is more concerned with titilating its audience. Sister Sarah is a female Machete with a crucifix, a one-woman army with God on her side who is blessed with a great body to seduce her victims. The ending leaves room for a sequel, so expect to see Sister Sarah take off her habit again for the greater good. Nude Nuns with Big Guns will offend some, but the rest of you can ask for penance for enjoying this guilty pleasure.

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