Let's face it, getting into the hottest clubs isn't always easy. Sometimes it takes a little patience and a lot of sweet-talking to get that golden ticket inside. Whether you choose to shower the bouncer with compliments or even flirt your way through the door, there are a few things that definitely won't help your case. If you're looking to butter-up the bouncer, you're probably not going to want to use any of the following tactics:
1. "Don't you know who I am?"
Unless you're an A-list celebrity or your dad owns the nightclub, the bouncer probably doesn't know who you are and definitely doesn't care. That's really great that your grandmother's aunt twice removed won an Oscar in 1938 during her short-lived acting career, but that doesn't make you any better than anyone else in line. Not only will you come across as arrogant, the bouncer isn't going to go out of his way to cheerfully delve into a game of guess who.
2. "I swear to drunk I'm not God."
The second the bouncer sees you stumble up to the door and furrow your eyebrows as you try to mask your glazed-over gaze, all bets are off. Not only is it a risk for the club to let a drunk mess through the front door, the bouncer probably knows he's just going to have to escort you out the back door in 5 minutes anyway after you stupidly take two more rounds of tequila shots and then smash the glasses on the ground screaming OPAHHH like you're an extra in My Big Fat Greek Wedding
. We get that you had a long week at work and pregamed a little too hard, but go grab a coffee and sober up a bit before you ruin your chances of getting in altogether.
3. "What do you mean the picture on my ID isn't me?"
The bouncer might look like a jacked-up meathead that hails from the Jersey Shore and has the IQ of a goldfish, but he isn't that stupid. For starters, any ID that doesn't scan or black light is an easy giveaway. While he might appreciate a good work of art, he won't appreciate you turning the novelty ID you ordered from some sketchy source online into one. You probably shouldn't try to hand over an ID that has nail polish covering the line that says "this is not a government document" or one that reeks from the acetone scrub you gave it when you attempted to alter the age. When you clearly don't resemble your form of identification, there's no use in fighting it. The last thing you want is to be turned over to the cops.
4. "Our very good looking female friends are meeting us here later."
It's always a plus to walk up to a club with six-pack abs, but it's never a good idea to walk up with a six-pack of guys. A bouncer typically isn't eager to let a huge group of guys through the front door. Either grab some ladies standing in the back of the line (offer to buy them a drink once you get inside because after all they are your ticket it) or split your posse up before try to get in.
5. "I'm loaded and will drop some big bucks if you let me in."
Congratulations! Your wallet has not been affected by the recession! We don't care. Lose the 'tude and get over yourself because the bouncer doesn't want to hear about your financial stability. There's a reason why you're being rejected and just as money can't buy you love, it also can't buy your entrance into the club. Well sometimes it might, but it definitely won't if you're going to be a jerk about it.